One Night Stand

It was a dark cloudy night

I came out of my room at the ashram

after a rare wishlist-ish day

long but rejuvenating, short but fulfilling

The day of yog, dhyaan, shwaas aur aasan

What more could I have asked for

But I was greedy, I wished more.. 

They never tell you the side effects of a clear mind

there are times when you are so one with yourself

You are so much at peace

that you start to hear the noise within

which was lulled till date by the noise outside

the lies you have been falsely pitching to your own self as truths under pretense of practicality, start to show up 

the unwishful realities which you thought were the past or worse have been discarded by you as fiction, start to occupy space and take shape

So as I sat there, with utmost clarity I have had in years or may I say, I have ever had since I can remember, I became vulnerable; I became greedy; I wished for him..

I was no longer a strong woman who was adamant about her decision to not think about him anymore

I did not want to choose what was right for me but rather what felt good, even if that meant a stocked up life with him.. 

In that moment, I had the gush of courage to be my natural self and he came naturally to me..his presence was sewn and woven with mine! 

I picked up the phone..dialled 'a' number after many years..a number I did not even had to recall - it was phonebook-ed in my mind! 

You picked up the call..I heard thy voice - loud and clear - same baritone, more mature! I choked..I was trying to respond - but could not..You were still there and so was I!! I took a deep breath to analyze what is happening and suddenly felt like.. like I am seeing myself from a third eye..And then I realized why I could not speak..

I opened my eyes! My midnight meditation class was still in-transit.. 

Even when I was with myself, practicing to be away from you, thriving to be with myself, Being taught to be with just myself.. I ended up with you! That was my boon and my bane.. I could be with you anytime.. I was with you all the time!!

-

Shirin