She just sat there
staring at the netflix login screen
Looking at 5 shared accounts
trying to login to hers
But went totally blank on the passcode
She uses the passcode atleast thrice daily if not more
How can she blank out on it
But it has started to happen with her frequently
these black outs
Like she would go downstairs to the kitchen and just stand there for minutes
Never to recall whay she went there in the first place
and she knows she isnt just zoning off
or not focussed
it is something more that that
She tried doing those mind mapping exercises
and those trace-back techniques
that she found online
to help her recall but nothing works, not practically for her atleast
It is almost like, she was in some entirely different world or universal realm
Just teleported and have faint reminiscences but not exacts of her other life or whatever
and contrastingly, some incidents from her childhood and teenage (which were almost 2 decades ago) - she would recall with such granular details, she would put computer to shame!
She was not sure what was happening to her..and one doesnt go to the gp saying I think I have "some-forgetful-disorder-of-sorts" and what do I do about it!
She knew she was stupid to think that she has alzeimers of some kind..but not totally ruling out the possibility of it - afterall Her Granny was forgetful and so is his Father! He once forgot his bike on a shop ans returned home, never recalling that he went on a bike..
So, to allay her fears, of forgetting the best moments of her life, she did something that changed her life forwver..almost subconsciously..
she started reliving her entire life..all over, in her head!
She wrote vividly about the moments she recalled and wrote them down as if it was her 'that' day's journal..
What she felt, what she wore, what she saw, where did it all happen - anything and everything that came to her mind.. and she realized that probably all of this mess happened in first place because somewhere in the process of blocking off the bad memories, she had accidentally shut off a part of her brain..which is like this broken corrupted disk..you are able to write to it but cannot recover the contents entirely if and when needed!
So this time, she did not repeat her mistake..
She just wrote what she felt..
Even if that sounded ugly, self deprecating, regretful, evil, bold, sexual..she poured everything she had to say about a certain thing!
In the process, though she puked our some junk, but she did start to feel again and be more centred, in the right dimension and more herself!
So she wrote some more and then more more..not knowing that this was the beginning of a wonderful scary journey to discover herself from an axis she never knew existed or she probably did but never admitted!
She came out of the trance,
Like in the movies,
with 3-4 scarcely-spaced blinks and a deep breath!
Stared at the netflix login screen again
this time Passcode came to her,
punched those 4 numbers..
And started to look for "fiction"..
as if her own life was not enough!
